Unemployment

Image from here

Just in case you were wondering, unemployment sucks. This might not seem like a revelation to the rest of the world, but it certainly is to me.

Sorry, I think this post needs some back story. I have a 12 hour a week contract as a junior manager at a local supermarket. This was perfect whilst I was university. It gave me a nice balance between having the time to do my university work and having a job to do, something to distract me from my degree (in a good way). Now when I finished my degree, I had assumed that I would either have another job to go to (more fool me), or that I could get some overtime at my current work place in order to keep me occupied.

Neither has happen. There is a complete overtime ban at work at the moment which I don’t see being lifted anytime soon. Hence why I feel unemployed. My 12 hours is spread over 2 evenings at weekend. So all day everyday I sit at home on a weekday and watch people go out and be productive members of society. This has become harder now that J has gone back to work. For the first few weeks of living in the flat, he had booked it off on holiday so we were both at home, and it felt like a nice relaxing holiday, albeit one with a multitude of boxes to lift in. You have no idea how guilty I feel siting in our beautiful new flat without a full time job, and without much to do.

I have naively thought that I would be okay with sitting at home and relaxing. It was the one thought that kept me battling through my degree- the idea that when it was all over the stress would end, and I could relax a little. Well i’ve relaxed enough now, and I need something to do! I don’t react well to having nothing to do. It makes me lethargic and un-motivated, a vicious cycle of doing not much.

So I have come up with a few ways of combatting this whilst I look for a job. And believe me I am looking for a job like I have never looked for anything before, but there are only so many times a day I can fill in forms telling people that I am fantastic.

One of the things I am doing is NaNoWriMo, I wanted to get back in to writing and this seemed like the perfect structure that I needed to keep me on track. I’m writing complete balls, but just the practice of writing something is good for me I think. J’s Dad has also lent me one of his old guitars, so i’m learning, badly I may add, to play a few chords on that to give me something to occupy myself.

For some reason its hit me particularly hard having nothing to do. My normal response to boredom would be to go and do some volunteering, but whilst looking for a job I can’t give a long enough commitment to make it worth a charities while to train me. Its all rather depressing.

No one tells you this when your doing a degree. Perhaps i’m the aberration. Perhaps the rest of the world is good at doing nothing. But I certainly am not.

So this is why, ladies and gentlemen, unemployment sucks. I completely fail to understand how people can do this long term. (I don’t mean unemployed in the sense that your staying at home with children or something, but just staying at home and doing nothing.)

So okay. Rant over. Now I have to go find something else to do. Damn.